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October 03, 2004
Arkansas
I went to Arkansas over the weekend for a Bikes, Blues, and BBQ festival. I realized that biking is truly a hobby for the wholly white trash in our society. I've never seen so many semi-exposed buttocks peeking through crotchless leather chaps in my life, nor have I seen so many mothers trying desperately to relive their younger days of promiscuity. That, and the ground NEVER stopped shaking. It was incredible...I don't think there was ever a full minute without someone revving a non-mufflered motorcycle to amuse the drooling throngs lining their parade ground (ie: a street with chalk lines). It was probably the strangest thing I've ever experienced.
Another random fact about the Fayetteville festival: I ate a turkey leg. I think that they have dual uses. First, you eat it for nourishment. Second, you use the leftover bone to beat the people near you to steal THEIR food. Then steal their bones as well after you eat their food, and eventually you'll have a mass of turkey bones fit to rule the world. All hail the mighty Turkey Leg!
While in Fayetteville, I chatted with some of the freshmen about the second 10 commandments of Rolla. Little did the Bible know, but Moses actually took a pilgrimage to Rolla in his later years to create a special code for them to live by. It concerns The Ratio, that wonderful fact that determines that every 1 girl may have 4 guys. Anyway, here's what we've got so far.
The Rolla Commandments (#'s 11-20)
11. Thou Shalt Not Game.
12. Thou Shalt Honor The Almighty Ratio Above All Else.
13. Thou Shalt Not Covet Thy Woman, For She Must Have Four Other Men To Uphold The Ratio.
14. Thou Shalt Not Take More Than One Woman, Else Thou Shalt Be Cursed.
15. Matt Hammond Be Overrated.
16. Thou Shalt Not Choose Milk, For It Is A Bad Choice.
17. Thou Shalt Not Impede A Man Possessing Alcohol.
18. Thou Shalt Not Disturb An Unconscious Man Taking A Nude Shower.
19. Thou Shalt Get Franked At Every Opportunity.
20. Thou Shalt Utter The Phrase "Fuckin' Larry" At All Times.
There ya go...welcome to our world!
Posted by larry at October 3, 2004 08:22 PM