Larry Graves

There are many gods inside this powerful heirarchy of supernatural meddlers. Some of the lesser gods: Friedrich, Steward of Eternally Damp Sweatclothes; Jorgen, Guardian of Impervious Stains; Melvyn, Holy Protector of Dysfunctional Dryers. These mischief makers are all callous and capricious, inflicting their respective brands of misery on any unsuspecting mortals they see. But they are all subject to the all-mighty whims of the most powerful Laundry Gods of all...

Bartholomew, Dark Lord of Flipped Socks, and Wanda, Malevolent Lady of Color Bleeding. Together, Bartholomew and Wanda have gained dominion over the entire civilized world, concentratin their efforts primarily in the many colleges throughout the United States of America. Bartholomew is a truly evil god, and he demands tribute from each and every load of Whites to ever enter a dryer. His counterpart Wanda holds sway over the land of Darks, periodically sneaking one into a load of whites and turning the entire batch some horrid color like puce or easter egg pink. This dark pairing controls both Lights and Darks, like Yin and Yang but without the history.

Bartholomew is easily angered. If one fails to give proper tribute by the traditional loss of one sock, he extends his influence to the realms of shirts, and eventually to the all-powerful act of Tying Pants Into Unsolveable Knots. The college student must be wary to always appease Bartholomew, lest he let his wife loose upon him. The tradition of Sock Tribute involves the acceptance that one will lose a sock, and upon discovering that the sock is missing, a mild expletive must be uttered to inform Bartholomew that he has been noticed, and appreciated.

For some reason, the Laundry Gods like women a great deal more than men. This stems from a legend...the legend of the First Sock. As the legend goes, Bartholomew created the First Sock near the beginning of civilized man, as an apparent boon that would turn out to be a great curse. However, as he created the sock, he failed to notice that he was making it around himself, trapping himself inside. When a nearby village maiden saw the sock lying on the ground near a river, she immersed it in an effort to clean it. Bartholomew may well have drowned, except for the maiden's impulse to turn the sock inside out halfway through her cleaning. Upon doing so, Bartholomew was released, and he fell in love with the maiden, whose name was Wanda. He made Wanda his queen, and they had three children; Friedrich, Jorgen, and Melvyn. Because of his eternal gratitude to Wanda, Bartholomew forbade all of the Laundry Gods to ever harass a woman.

Excepting the appeasement of Bartholomew and his minions, there can be no salvation from the Scourge of the Laundry Gods. Obey them, and prosper. Deny them, and face the trials of untying your pants.