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January 30, 2005
A poetic, and ridiculous, rendition of something.
There once was a man of an average height
Who was forced by his job to work quite late at night.
And this man of the world by the name of John Paul
lived his life in a box at the end of a hall.
John Paul had a Master's of Chemical E.
His proudest achievement had been that degree.
He told himself it would equate with success,
and that money would show him as one of the best.
So he conjured equations to solve problems dark
like the chemical outcomes and value of Quarks.
And to solve these equations was all he could do,
for his task was to make the most perfect shampoo.
"'Tis noble," he cried, "to keep humans so clean,
to distinguish ourselves from the low and the mean!"
And with statements convincing himself of his worth
he set out to find secrets of substance and earth.
So it happened one night while John Paul was at work
that he happily deciphered the secret of dirt.
For he figured that how to remain truly clean
was to find the reverse of all substance obscene.
"I will show them my genius, I'll dazzle them all!"
cried the man in the box at the end of the hall.
And he ran to the lab to create his own dream;
the perfect shampoo for the perfect deep clean.
But he sadly forgot the first rule of Chem E.
He forgot to bring goggles and apron, you see.
So when John Paul reversed all the substance obscene,
he reversed himself too, and became truly clean.
To be truly clean is a vacuum of dirt
and a vacuum's abhorrent to old Mother Earth.
So she got a bit angry at poor young John Paul,
that man in the box at the end of the hall.
She sent all her minions of dusty intent,
and on dirtying John they were all quite hell-bent.
So the minions of dirt swarmed about poor John Paul
and they ruined his box at the end of the hall.
In the morning, when John Paul's coworkers arrived,
they startled to see him just barely alive.
For the minions of dirt had done all that they could
and had coated John Paul in a mass of brown mud.
His coworkers tried everything in their power,
but finally had to give John Paul a shower.
But when water came down with its icy resolve
John Paul in his mudball completely dissolved.
As his coworkers watched John Paul circle the drain,
they wondered at who they would next have to train.
So the workers continued, with sighs at it all,
to their own little boxes at the ends of the hall.
This story does have a moral, if you were wondering...but I'm not going to tell you what it is, because if you can't figure it out, you're either not looking hard enough, or you are yourself destined for a little box at the end of a hall. BAH!
Posted by larry at January 30, 2005 02:01 PM
Comments
Still annoyed at the Chem Es, eh?
-=Russ=-
Posted by: Russ at February 1, 2005 10:17 PM
OF COURSE!!!
Bill Gaul is a Chem E, and the only contact he's ever made with a girl is punching one if the face.
This makes perfect sense.
Posted by: Mike at February 8, 2005 09:48 PM
I can't be bothered with anything these days, but shrug. I just don't have anything to say recently. I haven't gotten much done recently. Nothing seems worth thinking about.
Posted by: Sten30139 at January 6, 2007 07:05 AM
I've just been hanging out not getting anything done. What can I say? I've basically been doing nothing worth mentioning, but pfft. Not that it matters. Pretty much nothing exciting happening to speak of. I haven't been up to much these days.
Posted by: Sten2294 at January 8, 2007 06:14 PM
My mind is like a bunch of nothing, but I guess it doesn't bother me. I haven't been up to anything recently. I've pretty much been doing nothing to speak of.
Posted by: Sten52822 at January 10, 2007 09:56 PM
My life's been basically bland today. More or less nothing seems worth thinking about. My mind is like an empty room. I've more or less been doing nothing to speak of. Not much on my mind recently.
Posted by: Sten81265 at January 13, 2007 05:42 AM
Not much on my mind. I don't care. I've just been letting everything happen without me , but shrug. Whatever. I feel like a void.
Posted by: Sten15875 at January 15, 2007 08:53 PM
I feel like a complete blank, but I don't care. Pfft. I've pretty much been doing nothing worth mentioning.
Posted by: Sten56504 at January 21, 2007 07:38 PM
Basically nothing seems worth thinking about. I haven't been up to much these days. I just don't have much to say right now. I can't be bothered with anything , but whatever.
Posted by: Sten78191 at January 31, 2007 01:47 PM